Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
