i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
