I love black thongs
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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