This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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