I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize