i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
