Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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