i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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