come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
