dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
