I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
