I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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