Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
