hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
