his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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