I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
that's an acceptable place to lick
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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