The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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