I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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