Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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