She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
