I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
