I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My bed smells like the plague
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
