I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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