This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
