hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize