I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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