I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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