Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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