Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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