How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
