think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
