Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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