I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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