We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
