i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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