I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
