____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
