all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
