The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
