We're like a lot better than the average bears
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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