I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
