watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
