ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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