it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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