Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
