I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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