Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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