Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My balls are so social today.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
