shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
