I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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