I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
