You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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