like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
