i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
