mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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