Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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