At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
