I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize