id be glad to
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
