pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
