420 ftw
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
