You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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