you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize