What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
