Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
