I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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