its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
