You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
