do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
