whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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