im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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