JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
should my penis look like a turkey
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
