No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
