My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
