...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
