just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize