She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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