I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize