I just saw a hot homeless man
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
