is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
FUCK WHALES
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
