The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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