Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
