You just made me feel so damn special
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I did not marry a roomba.
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