drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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