If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
