Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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