$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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