its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he was CRYING into my vagina
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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