Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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