wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
