i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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