I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
