I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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